I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
