I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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