I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
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