So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Randomize
