My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
