the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
