shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Randomize
