throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
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