What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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