Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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