i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
