he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
