he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize