do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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