apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Randomize
