I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
