Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
