My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
