my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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