bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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