i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Randomize
