is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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