You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I deserve this hangover.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
