I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Damn victory sex feels great
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
