he puts the penis in happiness.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
