the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
