I will die if light touches me.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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