I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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