everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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