I could make wine with my vomit
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
