I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
If I die, sorry about rent.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
