I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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