When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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