I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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