I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
i've created a new STD.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
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