worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
We had to coat check the pizza.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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