If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Did I show you my penis last night?
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I love you.
Bad choice
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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