I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
