"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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