Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
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