The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
