yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
