Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
It's just like the Real World with babies
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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