Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
