He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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