He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
