Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
