he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
You brought string cheese to the strip club
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
