Just fell off a train. Bad.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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