More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
