smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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