you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
