Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
