So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
